“If you find it in Your heart, can I be forgiven? Guess I owe You some kind of apology…

…I’ve escaped death so many times, I know I’m only livingBy the saving grace that’s over me.”

-Saving Grace, Bob Dylan.

Do you ever feel anxious for something? Something that you don’t know exactly what you’re anxious about…something that you know you should be worried about only if you knew what it was, well welcome to my world. I wasn’t feeling this way till about 10:30 am (when I awoke) I have this feeling that I should be doing something, or getting something accomplished only if I knew what the f*** it was (I am trying to stop swearing, so much.). I took a bath this morning and opted not to go to church. My Father and Mother had the flu and I hadn’t seen them that much this weekend so, there you go. I just have this gut instinct telling me I should run, jump and step-hop to what ever I am suppose to be doing at the moment. So I go on about my day cleaning my room, hiding gifts (Rachael is coming down this weekend) and playing my bass but, still nothing. No sense of accomplishment. I get some gas drive down to go see Jay’s mom in the hospital before, I leave say goodbye to his sister (who drove up from Pennsylvania) and still Zippo, nada, nothing. I drove down to Albany and had this feeling I should stop at a rest area not because I had to use the facilities but, just a feeling I should stop. I didn’t not seven miles down the road there is a huge traffic jam spreading miles and miles. I just sat in my car thinking about “why didn’t I stop?” “Why should I have stopped?” “Did God want me to avoid traffic? Or was this just my thoughts to justify myself sitting idly in a car waiting to go back to Albany.” “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Hebrews 13:2 (NIV) Passive thoughts cross my mind of the many times I have been in situations on road trips undoubtedly entertaining angels and getting there help when my car is overheating (another story for another time.) I saw with grim horror as I drove by these people who went over the railing on the highway and there car was stuck on the middle of a steep hill with passengers still inside and thought to myself “why did this happen?” A question that has led many people to stray from or avoid Christianity and I have had that question given to me on so many occasions I have lost count. Why… Because God works in mysterious ways, why do people have to suffer? And the same answer is given. Why was I at the age of nine a drug addict? Why did I have to take care of my little sister? These thoughts crossed my path when I asked myself but, as I look back I can say now I know why. To help someone who was once lost like me. To let someone know that not all people who are Christians are perfect people and Jesus still performs miracles today.

“They overcame him

by the blood of the Lamb

and by the word of their testimony;

they did not love their lives so much

as to shrink from death.” Revelations 12:11 (NIV)

We overcome. Overcome every thing in our lives on the word of God and our testimony. So many times we get so wrapped up in the stress of our lives and don’t look over to the person next to us, who we know doesn’t know the Lord and let them pass by. Did you ever think we (or put in place “Brian” to make you feel less guilty) that those lost don’t have someone to turn to as we do? The Lord puts me in my place many a time. Making me think about judgment day for when we have to give an account of our lives and as we are waiting in line you’ll see a person you went to school with, someone you work with or even a person that you have been friends with since grade school and they look at you right before its there turn for to give an account and they look back at you with fear and trembling saying “Why didn’t you tell me?” I have no words that I could give; no apology would ever be accepted knowing that in a moment that eternal damnation is where that person(s) would end up. Maybe that’s why I am anxious, anxious to let people know that they don’t have to end up in hell or even that they don’t have to take that next hit, snort that last line or shoot that next fix. It’s just something to consider not, to mention one of the few jobs that we as Christian are asked I am sorry, commanded to do. “He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.” -Mark 16:15 (NIV.) We got some work to do. Feeling anxious????