“Buckets of rain…

“…Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets comin’ out of my ears.
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand,
I got all the love, honey baby,
You can stand…” -Bob Dylan, 1975 Buckets of Rain.

It’s dry here both in the weather and my mind. It’s been a long week, and its only Wednesday. Habitual peccancy creeps into my being, as a succubus it draws me to do what I don’t want to do, as Paul said:

“…For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, Now if I do what I will not that I practice.to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.” -Romans 7:14-24

I attempt to pursue to the right thing to do but, I fail. Is it my weak flesh or my weak pursuit to the perfection of my walk with Christ? Is that one in the same? I do not know. I know what to do is right but I follow another path, it is as Paul unequivocally stated. What then, shall I allow myself to be the wretch that I am, and continue to walk into darkness; to hurt my wife, as well as my friends, and walk which is my witness?! NO. I cannot. Father, let grace walk among us, and be as bountiful as the grains of sand on the earth.