I reminisce in the lyrics of John Denver on occasion, this song brings back memories of beauty and ruin. It reminds me of my youth, my friends, my girlfriend (now my wife) and hiking in the Adirondacks. I think it’s a fair statement that I love to rejoin my memories of things past and write on them, as if it wasn’t noticeable in probably 3/4 of the last two year’s posts. What I really miss is the child-like faith I had, wondrous stories of God’s mercy, wisdom, passion, and can of whoop as that befalls me on a regular basis. At the moment, I rarely open God’s word and feed my soul, I am famished for the walk that I had. It’s not like, I am in a dry period either, life is wonderful. I have a job, my wife has a job, nice apartment…family, friends, pint of Saranac, and a pinch of snuff…I am missing the best stuff though; A closer walk with my Father. Those children’s Sunday school lyrics are true “…neglect your Bible, and forget to pray and you shrink, shrink, shrink…” I feel, I grasp at straws in my prayer life: “God please do this, watch this Bless that, Amen. Goodbye.” Not “Hey God, what’s going on? This is what is going on in my life, I wish, I hope, I pray…”

Hebrews 13: 5, Puts God’s message to us: “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.””

He won’t leave us but, dumb fuck me will. He knows that we stumble and fail but, if we ask He’ll lift us up, and fill up our senses again…Hello Annie.

“Saints and children we have gathered here to hear the sacred story
And I’m glad to bring it to you with my best rhyming and rhythm
‘Cause I know the thirsty listen and down to the waters come
and the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America.”

–“Here in America” Rich Mullins

It seems like yesterday, I was climbing up Terry Mountain in Upstate New York. The Adirondacks are beautiful in the fall. Posthumously, the multi-colored leaves fall from the innumerable trees over the side of the mountain in a six-million acre park dedicated to the preservation of all things glorious, wild and free. Life travels at a million miles an hour. I went from freedom on America’s border feeling, the Northern winds blow from Quebec, and the seeing deer bed in the wood to the street lamps and abandoned homes of this concrete jungle, called Baltimore. It’s beyond human comprehension the vastness of the depth of time and space. I feel lost in this whole ordeal. All of the changes that have gradually brought me to this place have not all, in and of themselves been a negative thing. I have now been married over two years to my wonderful wife. Jobs have come and gone. Friends have come, and friends have parted ways. Some left of their own accord and some have left to the netherworld unaware.

I can remember when I was seventeen, and driving down the East coast without a destination in the world and the only thing to my name was a couple hundred bucks, a sleeping bag, some clothes and the open road. It felt fanciful, so Kerouacian, like pages from “Dharma Bums” or wild tales of Hunter S. Thompson. Growing up, moving from Springfield, MO, Albany, NY to trips to Milwaukee, WI and rides of wild abandon with my buddy Jay through PA.

Now I feel stationary, I haven’t moved in a few months and have remained in Maryland for the better part of two years, moving progressively to more rural standings (as much as possible, at least). Loosing my Gypsy ways has been difficult however but, I am in motion not, on the open road so much but active in life. I feel my walk has moved to the waste side I guess you could say in a desert place as the Israelites. I haven’t been here for forty years and I have no intention of keeping the offbeat pace of ill-gotten darkness.

Lack of sleep has made daydreams of yesteryear bleak. I am sighing with the open-eyed wonderment and happenstance visions that return in a reunion of past and present to come back to the path that will lead to my way back home. Hope you find yours, I’ll be praying for you.

“…who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.⁷ But if the ministry of death, written and engraved on stones, was glorious, so that the children of Israel could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of the glory of his countenance, which glory was passing away, ⁸ how will the ministry of the Spirit not be more glorious? ⁹ For if the ministry of condemnation had glory, the ministry of righteousness exceeds much more in glory. ¹⁰ For even what was made glorious had no glory in this respect, because of the glory that excels. ¹¹ For if what is passing away was glorious, what remains is much more glorious. ¹² Therefore, since we have such hope, we use great boldness of speech— ¹³ unlike Moses, who put a veil over his face so that the children of Israel could not look steadily at the end of what was passing away. ¹⁴ But their minds were blinded. For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament, because the veil is taken away in Christ. ¹⁵ But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. ¹⁶ Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. ¹⁷ Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. ¹⁸ But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”-2 Corinthians 3:6-18 NKJV

Patience

“But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” - Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

” Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:5-6 (NKJV)

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;  and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” - Matthew 6:25-34 (NKJV)

Someday, I am going to have all these passages tattooed on my body because, I so easily forget them in my hour of ordeal. Just thought I would help someone else out with their patience and endurance. I could sure use a boost myself.

Some think its through no fault of our own we are drawn into these familiar circumstances again, and again but, hark there is hope. As we all know that this is the Holiday season of remembrance of our dear Savior’s birth, what our calendar’s began and end with the peccany, the habitual reminder of a Man’s birth and death that we celebrate not only nationwide but, world wide. Can you imagine such a place that has not heard of Christmas or at least, Wintereenmas?

What is in such a thing is it just the familiar historic habit that bring us forward, over and over again living in the same shadows of tradition? Or does it grow and grow such as, the commercialism that eats away at the moral fabric of American society nay, the world? I believe it does and there is only one cure for it. One Redemption of it that we know, or should we? Sometimes I honestly feel if the mainstream humanity mocks, or at least attempts to withdraw from the flaws, or is it the truth that lingers on in our personal strife? I, for one know my peccancy, and I for one know that it is visited more often than Dylan’s Highway 51.

Sometimes I wish life was simple, one way, differences, happiness, death.

We all know brethren, that this is far from the truth. Life eventually leads into a circle of vice and misery, or vice forgiveness, and vice again. How do we stop this? How do we end this vicious circle? You know and I know dear reader, the Being we constantly embrace this time of year. No, it’s not Santa, fuck. I never was a fan of this cheeky character. I am talking about Christ, and if I can be so cliché as A Charlie Brown’s Christmas as the same as it was in Luke.

“Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night.  And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid.  Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11 For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:
“ Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” -Luke 2:8-14 NKJV

Love God, flee from habitual peccancy, live each day as it was your last.

Headed on down the highway again, in full blazoning abandon! Can you believe that the time has flown by yet again? My life can be summed up by following the highway. I am a traveling man, or should I say I used to be before my current occupation. Whenever I jumped on the highway, I would feel as I should recompense Jack Kerouac for his adventures. I’ve tried to burlesque but, laud to the Almighty I’ve just never been able to imitate. You just can’t hitch a ride anymore across the country, mercy. Anywho, I’ve had to drive out to a semi-rural area for training for my job. Maryland actually has beauty to it granted, it’s not the Adirondacks but, sometimes in life you have to improvise. I drove through the rolling hills and passed the cornfields, and I regressed back to my childhood running though the mountains with my siblings, and the few neighbors I had. There is nothing quite like being in the wilderness to see God’s glory shining all around you. When I hear the wind rushing through the tall grass I can hear the earth singing His praises in such a worshipful bliss it entrances me, and makes me wanted to join in. So, whether you’re sitting in out in Peasleeville, NY or in Baltimore sit out your front door, listen and join in. God’s glory is everywhere and remember: If you don’t other will.

“And some of the Pharisees called to Him (Jesus) from the crowd, “Teacher, rebuke Your disciples.”
But He answered and said to them, “I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out.” –Luke 19:39-40 (NKJV)

I know that these are strange lyrics to start a post but, the chorus sticks in my head from time to time, and makes me think of life in a different time when life was a little simpler. Granted, I was around -15 years old when the single came out on 7’’ vinyl but, some of the fondest moments in my life come from politics and cuckolds (just kidding).

Life is so much different for me and many others now. I am on the edge of the starting line of life, family and career; which in these trying times also coincide with a massive debt, and the illusion that a piece of paper that cost us 40k will help us get any job we desire. I look at all this and I think: Where is God in all of this? And I know the answer: He’s always been there.

“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say:
“ The LORD is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”-Hebrews 13:5-6

God has been there since the very beginning well, technically before the beginning but, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I know throughout my life, I have had many near death experiences, struggles and strife as we all have but, without Him I know that I would be dead. Back then, my faith was massive and unwavering now, I struggle to say: “Lord, help me pay my bills?” Where has my faith gone? It seems that it has traveled and decreased with time and age. As I think of this, I ponder the faith of those who came before us, as mentioned in Hebrews 11 (click to read scripture). These men and women came before Christ came to seek and save us with His grace. If these men and women could maintain their faith before the Holy Spirit was poured out on mankind why can’t I? Where did I loose the strength in my faith? I know that answer to this now after doing some major soul searching, I haven’t lost my faith. As we mature in our Christian walk, we will go through dry periods when you don’t feel like the men and women of faith we are. The answer: Pray on, and strive on!

I will leave you with a quote I heard when I was 13. “Live your life so, the preacher doesn’t have to lie at your funeral.” Koo-koo-ka-choo.

*Remember the riches that we accumulate down here, will not compare to the glory of the riches we accumulate up there.

]]> http://mahutaville.com/2008/02/27/change/feed/ http://mahutaville.com/2008/02/13/bewildering/ http://mahutaville.com/2008/02/13/bewildering/#comments Thu, 14 Feb 2008 04:38:11 +0000 HeroinGlory http://mahutaville.com/2008/02/13/bewildering/ Frustration is inevitable from time to time. I am vexed over political & unseeable restraints that hold me to my current position in life.

In short: This sucks.

When my wife and I first moved to Maryland I was jobless, and money was tight but, God was faithful. I labored vehemently to find a job. I must have filled out a hundred applications, and had a few job interviews but, only one job was open to me.

A call center.

For those who do not know me that well, I had a bad experience in my youth working for an evil corporation that sucked the soul from my body; In turn to all this evil I decided one thing: I need to have other people suffer.

I elected my friend, and webmaster Jay Roberts to help me out on this venture. We both joined: ORC MACRO. We were young, and stupid.

After working there for a spell, we moved on to greener pastures, and vowed never again to travel down that dark path.

God began to laugh.

Fast forward seven years.

Marriage, moving, jobless…

God places a job, the only job available to me…working at a call center.

Work is a B….lessing.

That’s right, I said it! I may not be thrilled with my job but, they pay well, and I work with many other brethren in the faith.

Far be it for me to come across as a proud person but, I think of myself as David out in the wilderness. King Saul seeking my life but, I know my Father is watching out for me.

” I called on the LORD in distress;
The LORD answered me and set me in a broad place.
The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear. ” -Psalms 118:5-6 [NKJV]

I may not be attacked by an army that is trying to kill me but, I know that when I call on the Lord, He will answer me.

Psalm 118

Praise to God for His Everlasting Mercy

1 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.

2 Let Israel now say,
“His mercy endures forever.”
3 Let the house of Aaron now say,
“His mercy endures forever.”
4 Let those who fear the LORD now say,
“His mercy endures forever.”

5 I called on the LORD in distress;
The LORD answered me and set me in a broad place.
6 The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.
8 It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in man.
9 It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in princes.

10 All nations surrounded me,
But in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.
11 They surrounded me,
Yes, they surrounded me;
But in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.
12 They surrounded me like bees;
They were quenched like a fire of thorns;
For in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.
13 You pushed me violently, that I might fall,
But the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation.^[a]

15 The voice of rejoicing and salvation
Is in the tents of the righteous;
The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.
16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted;
The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.
17 I shall not die, but live,
And declare the works of the LORD.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
But He has not given me over to death.

19 Open to me the gates of righteousness;
I will go through them,
And I will praise the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD,
Through which the righteous shall enter.

21 I will praise You,
For You have answered me,
And have become my salvation.

22 The stone which the builders rejected
Has become the chief cornerstone.
23 This was the LORD’s doing;
It is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

25 Save now, I pray, O LORD;
O LORD, I pray, send now prosperity.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD!
We have blessed you from the house of the LORD.
27 God is the LORD,
And He has given us light;
Bind the sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will praise You;
You are my God, I will exalt You.

29 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.More to come soon.

I was sitting in church this Sunday, and the Pastor began to talk about the creation story, found in the Book of Genesis. Immediately, he made comment of a common myth, and belief of some sects of Christianity and other religions: The story of Lilith. Lilith is found in many religions and faiths from early sects of Catholics, to the Jews, and other religions stemming from cults to Satanism.

Lilith is supposed to be Adam’s first wife. Some Christian scholar’s believe that there are two creations stories in the Book of Genesis. Here’s how to Hebrew/Christian story births:

“The idea that Adam had a wife prior to Eve may have developed from an interpretation of the Book of Genesis and its dual creation accounts; while Genesis 2:22 describes God’s creation of Eve from Adam’s rib, an earlier passage, 1:27, already indicates that a woman had been made: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” The text places Lilith’s creation after God’s words in Genesis 2:18 that “it is not good for man to be alone”. He forms Lilith out of the clay from which he made Adam, but the two bicker. Lilith claims that since she and Adam were created in the same way, they were equal, and she refuses to “lie below” him.” After God created Adam, who was alone, He said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone.’ He then created a woman for Adam, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, ‘I will not lie below,’ and he said, ‘I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.’ Lilith responded, ‘We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.’ But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.

Adam stood in prayer before his Creator: ‘Sovereign of the universe!’ he said, ‘the woman you gave me has run away.’ At once, the Holy One, blessed be He, sent these three angels Senoy, Sansenoy, and Semangelof, to bring her back.

“Said the Holy One to Adam, ‘If she agrees to come back, what is made is good. If not, she must permit one hundred of her children to die every day.’ The angels left God and pursued Lilith, whom they overtook in the midst of the sea, in the mighty waters wherein the Egyptians were destined to drown. They told her God’s word, but she did not wish to return. The angels said, ‘We shall drown you in the sea.’

“‘Leave me!’ she said. ‘I was created only to cause sickness to infants. If the infant is male, I have dominion over him for eight days after his birth, and if female, for twenty days.’

“When the angels heard Lilith’s words, they insisted she go back. But she swore to them by the name of the living and eternal God: ‘Whenever I see you or your names or your forms in an amulet, I will have no power over that infant.’ She also agreed to have one hundred of her children die every day. Accordingly, every day one hundred demons perish, and for the same reason, we write the angels names on the amulets of young children. When Lilith sees their names, she remembers her oath, and the child recovers.”

–Wikipedia: Lilith.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith#Lilith_in_the_Bible

As we can see Lilith is a defiant woman who refuses both Adam, and God. After the three angels try to take her back she becomes enraged, and God damns her to become a demon. Lilith is known to the Jews to be a horrifying demon that kills babies before they are circumcised. In addition to this, Lilith is supposed to be responsible for all male ‘nocturnal emissions.’

Here is an excerpt from Graves, and Patai’s work “The Hebrew Myths”. To help illustrate a more fuller picture of Lilith.

Chapter 10: Adam’s Helpmeets
(Excerpt from The Hebrew Myths by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York: Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69.)

“Some say that God created man and woman in His own image on the Sixth Day, giving them charge over the world; [2] but that Eve did not yet exist. Now, God had set Adam to name every beast, bird and other living thing. When they passed before him in pairs, male and female, Adam-being already like a twenty-year-old man-felt jealous of their loves, and though he tried coupling with each female in turn, found no satisfaction in the act. He therefore cried: ‘Every creature but I has a proper matel’, and prayed God would remedy this injustice. [3]

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam’s union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain’s sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon’s judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem‘. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. ‘Why must I lie beneath you?’ she asked. ‘I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.’ Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam’s union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain’s sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon’s judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem‘. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. ‘Why must I lie beneath you?’ she asked. ‘I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.’ Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

Adam complained to God: ‘I have been deserted by my helpmeet’ God at once sent the angels Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof to fetch Lilith back. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. ‘Return to Adam without delay,’ the angels said, `or we will drown you!’ Lilith asked: `How can I return to Adam and live like an honest housewife, after my stay beside the Red Sea?? ‘It will be death to refuse!’ they answered. `How can I die,’ Lilith asked again, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, that of circumcision; girls up to the twentieth day. None the less, if ever I see your three names or likenesses displayed in an amulet above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.’ To this they agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; [5] and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own. [6] (e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job’s sons. [7] Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. [8]

(f) Undismayed by His failure to give Adam a suitable helpmeet, God tried again, and let him watch while he built up a woman’s anatomy: using bones, tissues, muscles, blood and glandular secretions, then covering the whole with skin and adding tufts of hair in places. The sight caused Adam such disgust that even when this woman, the First Eve, stood there in her full beauty, he felt an invincible repugnance. God knew that He had failed once more, and took the First Eve away. Where she went, nobody knows for certain. [9]

(g) God tried a third time, and acted more circumspectly. Having taken a rib from Adam’s side in his sleep, He formed it into a woman; then plaited her hair and adorned her, like a bride, with twenty-four pieces of jewellery, before waking him. Adam was entranced. [10]

(h) Some say that God created Eve not from Adam’s rib, but from a tail ending in a sting which had been part of his body. God cut this off, and the stump-now a useless coccyx-is still carried by Adam’s descendants. [11]

(i) Others say that God’s original thought had been to create two human beings, male and female; but instead He designed a single one with a male face looking forward, and a female face looking back. Again He changed His mind, removed Adam’s backward-looking face, and built a woman’s body for it. [12]

(j) Still others hold that Adam was originally created as an androgyne of male and female bodies joined back to back. Since this posture made locomotion difficult, and conversation awkward, God divided the androgyne and gave each half a new rear. These separate beings He placed in Eden, forbidding them to couple. [13]

Notes on sources:

1. Genesis II. 18-25; III. 20.

2. Genesis I. 26-28.

3. Gen. Rab. 17.4; B. Yebamot 632.

4. Yalqut Reubeni ad. Gen. II. 21; IV. 8.

5. Alpha Beta diBen Sira, 47; Gaster, MGWJ, 29 (1880), 553 ff.

6. Num. Rab. 16.25.

7. Targum ad job 1. 15.

8. B. Shabbat 151b; Ginzberg, LJ, V. 147-48.

9. Gen. Rab. 158, 163-64; Mid. Abkir 133, 135; Abot diR. Nathan 24; B. Sanhedrin 39a.

10. Gen. II. 21-22; Gen. Rab. 161.

11. Gen. Rab. 134; B. Erubin 18a.

12. B. Erubin 18a.

13. Gen. Rab. 55; Lev. Rab. 14.1: Abot diR. Nathan 1.8; B. Berakhot 61a; B. Erubin 18a; Tanhuma Tazri’a 1; Yalchut Gen. 20; Tanh. Buber iii.33; Mid. Tehillim 139, 529.

In sum, Lilith is superbad.