Mahutaville

“…Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets comin’ out of my ears.
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand,
I got all the love, honey baby,
You can stand…” -Bob Dylan, 1975 Buckets of Rain.

It’s dry here both in the weather and my mind. It’s been a long week, and its only Wednesday. Habitual peccancy creeps into my being, as a succubus it draws me to do what I don’t want to do, as Paul said:

“…For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, Now if I do what I will not that I practice.to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.” -Romans 7:14-24

I attempt to pursue to the right thing to do but, I fail. Is it my weak flesh or my weak pursuit to the perfection of my walk with Christ? Is that one in the same? I do not know. I know what to do is right but I follow another path, it is as Paul unequivocally stated. What then, shall I allow myself to be the wretch that I am, and continue to walk into darkness; to hurt my wife, as well as my friends, and walk which is my witness?! NO. I cannot. Father, let grace walk among us, and be as bountiful as the grains of sand on the earth.

Welcome once again readers,

I know that I have had a recent dry spell over the last month or so but, I am coming back. My webmaster and, heterolifemate Jay Roberts has created this site (mahutaville.com) to push me back into the world of writing. As some of you know, I recently got married to a wonderful woman who is the love of my life, Jennifer Joslyn-Mahuta. I should have pictures of the wedding soon to post so be patient. Jen and I moved down to Baltimore, Maryland. Jenny is working on her PhD. at UMBC, and I am in occupational limbo. I am trying to get a job as a teacher here in Baltimore but, I need to take my praxis exam(s).

Currently, Jen and I live in a gated community in south Baltimore. We are the minority here but, we live in a quasi-friendly neighborhood.

Here are some highlights of our living here:

A. The police. It’s always nice to know the boys in blue are always here to protect us in Baltimore. Even though we live in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S. (we typically have 300 murders here a year).

B. Drug dealers. Ah, yes. Drugs, it’s nice to know that if you ever need cocaine our neighbors supply it. Just last week we had a few dealers sitting in front of our building, peddling their wears in broad daylight.

C. We live near Washington D.C.. It’s nice, no complaint here.

D. People here drive worse than the Québécois. No joke. They’re idiot drivers.

All in all though, we are enjoying ourselves here. We found a nice church to go to. It’s consists of bikers, and former junkies. We all get along quite well.  I miss my friends back in Plattsburgh, NY but, I know that Jen and I know that this is where we belong.

More updates and such will follow

I know it’s been a long time a comin’ but, here it is:

My life.

What have I been doing you ask?

. Planning my upcoming marriage to Jen Joslyn (June 16th, 2007)

. Re-taking my LSAT (December 2, 2006)

. Attending Plattsburgh State University (Full time for the moment)

. Yes, I am also working part-time (25hrs.) at Tri-Lakes Home Medical (I am the driver, you are my patient)

. Livin’ life to its fullest

. Opening new paths, hopefully showing me where Jenny and I will go after we are married

. Tightening up the ole’ belt buckle and, saving for our future

. Slaving away until He comes (hopefully after I have lots of sex)

I graduated.

’nuff said.

Reality stares you cold in the face…You blink. It seems only nature to afraid of the unknown but, it seems that some of the scariest things in life you do know. Why? If someone could somehow face the unknown and not be afraid, how can the known scare him. I guess the faux pas I am looking for is the taboo of others to know the unknown, and if one knows the unknown is not frightful it seems only meaningful that the known is the leviathan one must overcome. Just as Gilgamesh had to see Enkido die of a disease, he [Gilgamesh] sees the known: Mortality. What I am trying to make clear is that Gilgamesh thought he could be eternal and once he saw that the powerful must also meet the known [death] the unknown became the lesser fear. Now that the known is the more potent of fears, what must one do? In the Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh realizes his own mortality, faces it and realizes it is the fate of all men to die but, more importantly it is the way one must live life to its fullest because this is the lot of men. Whether it be a joyous occasion such as graduation or death, one has to face the reality of the known. Know that the known is here [just as mortality] where do you go from here? I don’t know the answer to that but, I do know that you don’t have to face it alone. Happy accidents, fear and loathing, and Glory on top of Glory. God is there, in the end who and/or what should I fear?
Final Summation: Reality blinked back.

As I sit here in the computer lab, trying to finish two final papers that will determine whether or not I will graduate from college, I am becoming unhindged. Three very stupid, loud, female students are yelling sweet retarded phrases in each others ears. God have mercy on me and my thoughts of assault….

Will I graduate? Anticipation continues….

College. Will I Graduate this semester?
We’ll find out soon…Check out this blog very soon for complete converage and an intersting piece on public transportation.

Here we are again my fellow brethren of the blogging tradition (as early in its states, as it may be) it is time to begin anew. Inasmuch as I would like to begin with something extemporaneous but, it’s not going to be that kind of a day. I feel the need to delve into something that has come of interest to me. I know that it may all sound like think-speak at this time but, I think it will all become clear momentarily. I have been pondering the mystery of love, life and faith for a while now but, I have missed out on something important: grace. Grace is for lack of a better word, mercy. Mercy is to be kind and forgiving; I know in my life I have needed many a time grace. Grace is to me a more physical part of faith. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Grace is seeing that you have done wrong and a person forgives you. Even though you don’t deserve it, a person had the grace to absolve you of the wrong you had done to them. Doesn’t it feel wonderful when someone forgives you for the stupid things you do? You don’t have to do something to receive grace; someone just gives it to you as a free gift. If you had to do something to obtain grace would it then even be grace at all? No it wouldn’t it would be forgiveness. As Romans 11:5-6 states: “Even so then, at this present time there is a remnant according to the election of grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer of works; otherwise grace is no longer grace. But if it is of works, it is no longer grace; otherwise work is no longer work.” If God said “I’ll pardon you only if…” it wouldn’t work, it just wouldn’t be grace. Lamentations 3:22-24 puts it well: “It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.” I know at least for me if God didn’t grant grace I wouldn’t be here. I have screwed up many a time and many a time grace was given. God gives it as a free gift, just like salvation. It takes faith to see it, hope to believe it, grace to receive it and love to see it though. I am just glad someone had the stones to tell me about it. Remember to be gracious.

…and Sometimes, the answer has been in front of you all along, and it takes the perseverance of a saint, the prayer of a warrior and the faith of a child to see the truth clearly: Love conquerors all.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1Corinthians 13

Sometimes decisions in your life are difficult to make.